I’ve decided I have a problem when it comes to dealing with my emotions, I know my problems are nowhere near as horrible as what some people have gone through in they life time but for me right now I feel like I need to vent and that’s what I’m going to do.
When I moved to Norwich the first six weeks were the hardest for me, my partner had to go away for work and I was just about to start my new transfer in a much bigger store than I was used to. So everything was new and I know it was supposed to be exciting but for me I was so homesick and lonely, I spent most of my time watching box sets and working. Then one day I decided I needed to get out of this little hole I had created. I finally started making some friends and spending time with people outside of work. My manager understood I was a home bird at heart so she made sure I had the odd weekend off to drive back to visit my family and friends. Moving to Norwich made me grow up and become Independent, if I wanted a new materialistic item I worked harder and then treated myself. However every time I was sad or homesick I did the same thing I would buy myself something to make myself feel better I would try to fill a void that I know I couldn’t fill.
When I moved away from my family and all my childhood friends I thought that was the hardest thing I would ever have to do, but now I feel like leaving the life we’ve created and built on our own is a lot harder. In a way I feel like I’m saying goodbye to my independent self, the person that managed to make me better and confident, the person who stopped the panic attacks and getting ill every time I got stressed out. I feel like I’m already leaving that person behind in a cardboard box and I’ve just forgot to pack it.
However today I heard something positive, We need to take the best opportunities from every situation we find ourselves in. Now I know Norwich could have offered me a lot more career wise but I didn’t have the right mind site to pursue that idea, and I still don’t to be honest. I did surprise myself the other day when I was talking to a customer and her daughter, I felt like an old lady who had done nothing with her life, I was telling this little girl don’t end up like me. I must have seemed crazy, a young lady in her early twenties already going through regret. I was so jealous because she knew what she wanted from life. I do feel like by the time I know what I want to do it will be too late. I really hope I figure it out soon.
On a positive note I treated myself to a few things today, problem is I found everything I wanted in John Lewis. I’m having a leaving party with a few of my friends from work next week. So I treated myself to a new dress from Oasis, because most of my clothes are packed so it just made sense. My other purchase was a DAB Radio in Mint green it’s so nice it’s been in the display window for a few weeks now and we had agreed it was too expensive but it’s so pretty we decided as we were already in the shop we would have a look and it was half the price we thought it was and as I needed cheering up we purchased it.